Sunday, April 22, 2007
Confusion
I had another session with my therapist Thursday. This was my second one with Cindy. When I saw her the week before I was pretty much in the worst part of the virus I am still coughing from, so I felt like I wasn't in a good state to make judgments. This time I felt a lot more functional, mentally. Unfortunately that is only reinforcing my idea that we may not be compatible.
One problem is that she asks questions I don't know how to answer because I don't know how she means them. Trying to figure that out seems to get us off on tangents to topics that aren't really germane to my problem.
At one point, while explaining to me the causes of depression, she said that when I noticed I was having thoughts that upset me, I should break that cycle. I reminded her that that was why I was COMING here, as I had not been having much luck managing to do that. And she said brightly, "Just stop thinking about it!" Which is good advice so far as it goes, but in practical terms it's about as helpful as advising someone not to walk on a broken leg.
My assignment for this week is a good example of the problem. I am supposed to think about why D's overblown sense of entitlement makes me so mad.
The primary answer to this is that EVERYONE with an overblown sense of entitlement makes me mad. Maybe it's because I have an overblown sense that justice and egalitarianism is how things should work in a perfect world, I don't know. If we move from the general to the specific, you could say I don't like D's entitlement behavior because that isn't how I tried to raise her. But Cindy and I are already in agreement that it's not my job anymore to try to change D. So I don't see any point at all in spending any time on this question.
Anybody got any idea on what the point might be? 'Cause I got nuthin'.
One problem is that she asks questions I don't know how to answer because I don't know how she means them. Trying to figure that out seems to get us off on tangents to topics that aren't really germane to my problem.
At one point, while explaining to me the causes of depression, she said that when I noticed I was having thoughts that upset me, I should break that cycle. I reminded her that that was why I was COMING here, as I had not been having much luck managing to do that. And she said brightly, "Just stop thinking about it!" Which is good advice so far as it goes, but in practical terms it's about as helpful as advising someone not to walk on a broken leg.
My assignment for this week is a good example of the problem. I am supposed to think about why D's overblown sense of entitlement makes me so mad.
The primary answer to this is that EVERYONE with an overblown sense of entitlement makes me mad. Maybe it's because I have an overblown sense that justice and egalitarianism is how things should work in a perfect world, I don't know. If we move from the general to the specific, you could say I don't like D's entitlement behavior because that isn't how I tried to raise her. But Cindy and I are already in agreement that it's not my job anymore to try to change D. So I don't see any point at all in spending any time on this question.
Anybody got any idea on what the point might be? 'Cause I got nuthin'.
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