The Neon Nurse's Charting

And THIS is a jack o'lantern display! (Sadly not mine.)

Osama bin Laden dies and starts for Heaven. As he approaches the pearly
gates, George Washington dashes out and starts beating him severely with
his cane. Then Thomas Jefferson runs out and starts kicking him and beating
on him, soon followed by Patrick Henry, Robert E. Lee, and a host of others.

When they finish and go back inside the gates, he's lying there dazed and
in extreme pain, bleeding all over. Finally an angel comes out. "This
isn't what I was expecting when I got to Heaven," Osama says.

The angel replies: "Didn't we tell you when you got to Heaven you'd be met
by 75 Virginians?"

You know what would be useful? Some tiny icons, like thumbs up or an arrow pointing down or a pouty face or something, to better give brief highlights of the ups and downs of the too-quickly-past week. It would really help make my catch-up posts shorter!

Sunday: Thumbs way down all around. Like, bitten off and buried in a hole by marmosets down. Not good.

Monday: (zosted face) Drove to Garden City to have Mike debraced. I was so tired from getting up at 5am after only 5 hours of nervous wake-up-to-be-sure-the-alarm-didn't-fail sleep that I went in wrong restroom on our first pitstop, to Mike's extreme chagrin. The removal and other activities went well, but then I got lost leaving town, somehow managing NOT to spot the major thoroughfare of Highway 50. But I did learn something new. My car compass turns out to give a reading of NE no matter which way you are going.

Tuesday: Marmosets returned one thumb. Sadly, seems to have been someone else's. The stomach virus several of us had last week decided to launch a comeback tour. On the whole, not a great day.

Wednesday: Marmosets arrested, forced at gunpoint to return MY thumbs. Needed them for packing up 20+ items for mailing. Good but tiring day.

Thursday: Arrows pointing up encouragingly. Got many small fiddly things done that needed doing. Mike tried to help. No lasting damage sustained from (me) being hit in the face with a box as we sorted out one of the storage sheds.

Friday: (clever icon indicating strange mix) Had to drive to town to turn in our ballots, as we had made a slight error in repackaging one in the approved convoluted manner, and also I didn't QUITE trust the PO to get them that whole 3 blocks across town on time. Also more puttering and cleaning. Found the instructions for what to do to prepare for Y2K, so THAT'S good.

Also some jerk newbee gave me my first negative on eBay/Half. 4581 good ones, and now this by a dopesmack with a score of 11. Oh, well, it had to happen sometime.

Today: (Large cheerful smiley face) Sunny and warm outside. We sold a $150 book, and I got a coupon in the email for a free sub at Quiznos! (So that was lunch.) And tomorrow is Free Dump Day! Woo hoo!

One of the Pumpkin Queen's favorite subjects this year, he was the first to be carved.



He's probably some kind of pumpkin/squash hybrid, as he is even more reddish colored than you can see in this picture. We didn't raise him, he was boughten.

...come to think about it, not only is it not that fun, there's relatively little profit in it.

I came home from my errand run today kind of tired, although not as tired as I would have been if I had not stopped off at McCorkle Field to watch the Lamar Broncos play their second game of flag football. (Didn't take any pics this time, as I haven't eaten the last ones yet.)

As I walked in the front door, I was struck with a sudden burning curiosity about what Caro could POSSIBLY be making for lunch that...smelled that way. "Hmm, I smell something!" I said diplomatically.

"I think your dog got into it with a skunk."

Whew. Lunch was still something to look forward to.

Caro had put Cowboy the Smelly into his crate, so I turned him outside and we opened up the house as much as possible, while debating possible options and trying to remember what advice we'd read was good and what had been debunked.
We had some of that orange based concentrate sitting around, and I thought maybe rubbing that into his skunked spots, letting it soak a while, then washing it out would probably work as well as anything.

But when I went outside with him and started trying to find the polluted areas, I couldn't. Was the breeze carrying it away? I sniffed his head...nothing. Back and sides...nope. Not even his tail. What the heck?

Went back in and sniffed the old bedding Caro had taken out of his crate and put in the trash to burn. No, that only smelled like regular gross old dog. The crate still smelled a little skunky.... "Are you SURE it was Cowboy?" I asked Caro. Grabbed Climber, snuffed her all over...nope. Even grabbed up the cat and sniffed HER before I remembered Tiger Jenny is our best allergen producer. Turned around spitting out cat hair to find Caro convulsing from trying not to burst out laughing.

Okay, so I give my all when problem-solving. Is that cause for MOCKERY?

For lack of a better idea, I sprinkled lavender scented talcum powder all over Cowboy. He thought that was well beyond disgusting...until later when I hauled him into the bathtub with me and shampooed his legs and tail, on the happy inspiration that perhaps it was his unsniffed undercarriage which was harboring the skunk odeur. Since his eyes aren't all red and he isn't sneezing and his upper body smells no worse than usual, we think maybe he only found a place where a skunk downloaded, and walked through it in his cheerfully careless Cow way, rather than being actually attacked. Could have been worse.

Now our only problem is a dog that is all disgusted with me who smells like lavender, skunk, and Ocean Breeze shampoo.

Who is NOT sleeping in my bed tonight!

That's what we celebrate around here, although it has expanded to two weeks over the years. Damaris kicks things off on October 16. She was born JUST young enough for me to still officially be a teen-aged mother. I was born on the 18th, as you already know since I went on and on about it on Tuesday.

Tomorrow we will be huzzahing from morn till night because it is Caro's BD. Mike and I have already procured the traditional vegetable orbs (don't TELL, okay???), and I am also working on a more practical gift, clearing up a big huge area of Stuff that has been waiting its turn to be sorted for...well, a while. It is quite interesting, going down through the epochal layers. Plus, useful stuff turns up. Like, last week we broke down and bought some new flashlights because we hadn't been able to find a single one when we needed it. So naturally you would not be surprised to hear I have already found FOUR flashlights and several of those round clicky-light thingies. We will be well set up for light if we should get any blizzard-related power outages this winter!

The latter half of Double birthday week celebrates the birth of Super-duper Son-in-law Nigel on the 27th, and then we round it off with Michael Day on November 1, which is our annual family celebration of the day we officially adopted the boy of our hearts.

Oh, yeah, and Halloween comes just before Michael Day. Very holiday enriched, we are!

I caught a mouse.

'Well, so?' I can hear you thinking. 'We KNOW you live in the country, you yadda on about it endlessly. You've even posted about catching mice before.'

Yes. But this was my first time to catch one that was NOT in a trap, and not even in the big trash can that holds the dog food, which they sometimes jump into but can't jump out of.

This was a free range mouse. Literally, as Caro spotted it sitting on top of the range in the kitchen. It didn't skitter off when she walked up, or even when she called me to come see--so yeah, it was not a mouse in the healthy prime of its young rodenthood. Most likely it was a mouse tripping on some of the mousebait we have hidden in the many places no one here in the house but the mice (and spiders) can reach.

When I walked up it did seem to get a grip and think it was time to change venues. But it did so rather slowly, and I was able to grab ahold of its TAIL as it crawled through the tiny gap between the stove and the counter. I pulled gently, and there it was like a yo-yo on a string, just blinking and looking around like it was thinking, "Woah. DUUUUUDE."

In case you ever need to know, the most humane way to finish off a mouse or other small critter is to either hold it by the back feet and bang its head hard on a counter, or, if you are in a kitchen and that seems way too gross (as it would to me--I LEARNED it in science lab at school in the 60s), you can throw it really hard straight down on the floor or some concrete. The heavy little head goes first and boom, lights out.

Other than that, it has been a pleasant few days here. My birthday was great and I had lots of fun just spending most of the day online, reading and answering email. My family spoiled me with goodies and a nice dinner and Mike even gave me a neck rub to get rid of the crick I got carrying too many books at once.

You know, you would think with as many darn heavy books as I carry around all the dang time, I would be in a lot better shape than I am. But that's another rant for another day....

So I was reading This Day In History from http://www.reference.com/thisday/

and saw this entry:

1962 - The Cuban missile crisis began when President John F. Kennedy was informed that reconnaissance photographs had revealed the presence of missile bases in Cuba.

Yeah...mid October 1962. That meant I was a few days away from turning nine. When I read that little snippet, I could suddenly see in memory, as clear as anything, an arithmetic book and paper, with warm sun streaming in on it as I lay on the floor by my parents' bed. And I remember just as clearly what I was thinking.

"We are probably going to get blown up by an atom bomb any time now. So I don't see why I have to do this stupid homework!"

Whatever THAT is.

First of all, it has been cloudy and rainy since Sunday afternoon. This Never Happens. It's not that we don't appreciate the moisture, but it's just kind of freaky and weird to see all this water falling out of the sky.

Next, Caro came home sick from school Monday, something that happens even less frequently than the sky/water thing. One of the bugs going around finally caught up with her. Happily, tonight she is feeling better, and thinks she can go back tomorrow. At least it's a short week due to parent/teacher conferences.

Ran across something kind of amazing tonight, which of course I will share with YOU!

Did you know blogging was predicted by a noble Russian novelist in 1839?

Odoevsky suggested in future there would be a kind of connection between houses that would allow people to communicate quickly and easily, the way they do now via the Internet.

“Houses are connected by means of magnetic telegraphs that allow people who live far from each other to communicate,” Odoevsky wrote.

Even more interestingly, Odoevsky suggested every household would publish a kind of daily journal or newsletter and distribute it among selected acquaintances, a habit which Russian bloggers immediately recognized as blogging.

However, Odoevsky, a prince and a wealthy man, could not imagine people taking so much bother to keep their acquaintances updated on their daily affairs. He suggested the job would be carried out by the butler.

Click here to read more

As you probably don't know unless you are from Colorado, we have some amendments coming up for a vote next month as to whether or not we can spend some tax money (which has already been collected) on fripperies like schools, roads and similar infrastructural items. A gang of political types plus regular folks have been hiking across the state to talk to citizens and garner publicity. The following is from Ken Gordon, one of our Dem leaders in the Colorado legislature:

The Walk is going well. Today we walked east on Highway 50 towards Pueblo.

Yesterday in Penrose we stopped for a minute to rest and drink water at a picnic table in a vacant lot across the street from a few low cinder block buildings. It looked like some kind of manufacturing business. I don’t know what they manufactured, but they had a missile aimed at the sky on their front lawn. Two men walked over towards us. They were white, middle-aged males-a tough demographic.

“Can we help you with something?” they asked.

Those were the words, but the subtext was, “What are you doing on our private property. Can’t you see that this picnic table is crucial to the national defense?”

I ignored the subtext. “Well yes. You can help me. Are you voters?”

I reached into my back pocket to get some campaign lit. By now they could see our signs. They started to back away. They realized that not only had they not busted a terrorist who was about to place a bomb at their remote designated smoking picnic table, they had come across someone who wanted to talk to them about a political issue. They couldn’t have left any faster if I had said, “Do you have a personal relationship with Christ?”

I wouldn’t let them leave though. “Here take it.” I was holding out campaign lit. “C and D are important to education, health care…”

“We are working, and this is private property,” they said, as if that was a reason they couldn’t touch the lit. I followed them.

“Read it later, after work,” I said. They decided it was easier to take the lit. They walked back across the street.

“See if I ever buy a missile from those guys,” I told the other walkers.

***

I'm Susan Crites, and I have personally seen that missile on the road to Penrose and Canon City.

So, you know we live in the country, right? And you probably are somewhat aware that living in the country means living around lots of animals, which means There Will Be Flies.

There will especially be flies as the summer turns to fall, because while they are not the most intellectually brill of creatures, they DO know that it's a good idea to come in from the cold.

That means fall around here tends to be punctuated with annoying fly caresses ALL the darn time.

I was sitting around in the bathroom the other morning, wielding a fly swatter to pass the time, as I am wont to do. A fly landed on the counter by the sink and I nailed it. Turned it into an ex-fly, buzzing in the choir celestial.

A few minutes later, I spotted another one...but before I could swat, I realized it was NOT a fly, but a very small Jumping Spider. I stood up, and it froze in place. Didn't move a fuzzy little limb as I washed my hands. When I turned back from drying them, I saw a little twitch of a leg, but nothing more. You could almost see it thinking, "Whew, almost got spotted there, but I THINK I got away with it!"

I stood back a few seconds to see if it would do anything else, but nada. So I walked around to where it could not see me and peeked over the assorted containers. Sure enough, now that it was safely alone (it THOUGHT!) it LEAPT a vast THREE inches and nabbed that fly body, which was bigger than it was!

Didn't have the heart to interfere in such a major feat, so I went off and left it to eat in peace. Anything that's against the flies is a pal of mine!

Whew!

Lots has been going on this week, and I have been managing to keep up with my reading of email and LJ, and even a LITTLE responding, but not much in the way of actual new posting from me.

Here's a brief overview.

In health news, we are keeping an eye out on several fronts. The girls' volleyball team at the Middle School is 100% on board with headlice, and at least one teacher had to take some time off due to WHOOPING COUGH. So far we are all pretty much okay...but watchful. And paranoid.

Books: Damaris and I failed to find the 1st half of the Encyclopedia of Buddhism, which is a bummer, but we grabbed a couple other good ones Monday and quite a few good ones on the last day of the booksale, when the books are $2 a bag. Sales are up too, so I'm camping happily at the moment.

My general goal for this year was to make a clear profit of $1000 per month, which I think is decent and modest. At the moment, we are up to August 13th.

Last night we had another surprise visit by my middle son, Big Sterling the truck driver, which is always fun. In breaking news, diesel gas costs WAY too much....

Today it rained really hard for about 15 minutes, which was also a nice surprise. In other rare occurrences, I got struck by the urge to clear up and rearrange my computer work area. When I get done, there will be pics.

Also, next week there will be pics of my grand-girlies in their first flag football game. They signed up, then ALMOST didn't go for it, as they are the only girls. But when their teammates and coach started dropping worshipfully at their feet because they are so fast and so good at catching the football...they were persuaded to stick around. :)

Another one of those fun Google memes!

Type your name and the word 'needs' into the Google search box. I put mine in quotes, "Susan needs" because there are so darn many Susan's out there. Also, most of them have very boring needs, so instead of just taking the first 10, I took the first 10 that amused me.

Susan needs all your love and money. (Yes, I do. This one is 100% correct.)

Susan needs a lip. (Uhhhh...actually, pretty much okay in this department. Thanks away.)

Susan needs a tray, six inserts, center bowl and metal spinning rack. (Maybe I should just accept the lip and quit while I can?)

Susan needs opportunities to practice literate speech. (Especially if it will help get me love and money.)

Susan needs to "get off her butt and do more housework." (Shyeah, like THIS one's going to happen!)

Susan needs lots of warmth, consistency, and limit setting. She enjoys physical affection and wants her own share of attention. (Sounds good, except for the limit setting part.)

Susan needs to wear a bra. (Oh, maybe that's what they meant!)

Susan needs to develop a strategy for the safe enjoyment of some of the more
extreme forms of pleasure. (There's supposed to be a strategy??)

Susan needs a set of t-shirts graced with silly cliches that, nevertheless, exemplify her willingness to step off the cliff of safety. (I am beginning to think there are actually Susan's more reckless and impulsive than me....)

As Beethoven needed to compose, Susan needs to pant. (Typo in the found material, not made by me. I liked that my need to pant was recognized, even accidentally.)

Susan needs to succeed in the face of and despite this madness. (Absolutely.)

I really had made up my mind to stay home from the Friends of the Library sale this time. Damaris was tired and busy, my knees were hurting more than usual, and even though payday was Friday, we've already spent that money foolishly on bills and the mortgage and stuff....

Keep in mind that it was at this same sale last spring that I sprung out my knees, which are better but still wonky.

So last night Damaris called and we decided to make up our minds for sure this morning. She was trying to talk me into it and I was all, "NNNnnnnnnggggg."

But then this morning I called her and said I decided I could stand to go for an hour. Just one. One hour. That's it. Of course SHE had changed her mind and decided not to go at all. But since *I* was going, she felt she had to. Our deal at these, you see, is for me to scan the rows of books, and her and the kids to do the carrying and later the lifting. At the end of the sale, I pony up for the charges, she does the internet listing, and we split the proceeds when the books sell.

I ended up staying a little longer than one hour, but I was able to sit on the floor for some of my booklooking time, so that worked out.

It was a good thing we went, because there was a VERY nice stash of 2004/2005 unused textbooks, for some reason, and similiar newish pricey books, which we glommed onto like glomming things. Considering that the propane bill came today, for $280 (200 gallons), the timing couldn't have been better!

Although I have to go back tomorrow and see if I can find the other half of the 2 volume Encyclopedia of Buddhism.... My knees won't like it, but having the whole set would let me buy a heck of a lot of aspirin!

Go to this web site here: http://www.iiiiiiii.com/